dealbreakers

[note: all of these are actual things I've seen in the last year]

OK, so you're conducting viewings and you decided to show this room with the bed upended against the wall, wood shavings everywhere and a six inch-high pile of cigarette butts in the middle of the floor. "Oh, no, don't worry, there's no smoking in here."

This is a very nice two bedroom flat. Thing is, there are three of us. Oh, that thing the size of a toilet cubicle with no bed in it is a single bedroom? Maybe if our flatmate was a Jack Russell, sure.

What exactly is this growing on the wall? Oh, I'm glad to hear it's not deadly, very reassuring.

One-bedroom flat with a converted living room. Total number of flatmates: five.

Total number of people physically able to fit in the kitchen at once: one. At a push.

Things the flat does not have: a working sink.
Things the flat does not have: windows that open.
Things the flat does not have: a lift. Place the flat is located: 23rd floor.

Place the flat is located: half an hour further away from the tube than the ad said.
Place the flat is located: at the end of an enclosed alleyway with no lighting whatsoever.
Place the flat is located: along a road full of people offering a wide selection of drugs. At 2pm on a Wednesday.

Landlord status: pushy and frightening.
Landlord status: obsessively rambling about all the terrible tenants he's had.
Landlord status: obnoxious posh boy who has nothing but contempt for everyone living on his property.

"Is this place safe?"
"Oh, sure, there's a security camera right by the door."
"Is that necessary?"
"Oh, no, not really. We're on the top floor and the furthest away from the lift, so anyone looking to cause trouble would probably go to one of the other flats first."