decisions

(I got a new laptop. Personal pronouns are a thing again.)

For the last week and a half, I've been working. I haven't worked for nearly a year, and if you're talking about actual work it's been a lot longer. The idea of having to get into work for 9am was terrifying, and having spent at least half of every working day ever on the internet (even when I was super busy and productive) I didn't know how I'd cope with a company that expected more of me. But the money I'd saved to support myself for a couple of months ran out, and when the agency called to tell me they had some work for me I was incredibly grateful.

Turns out I'm actually excellent at it. I am the world's fastest temp. They've had to farm me out to other departments to find enough work to keep me occupied. Backlogs have been cleared, disorganised messes have been transformed into Not Messes. I have organised meetings, reconfigured archives, edited websites, and renewed a passport for the COO's daughter. I'm versatile.

All of which is to say, this is my very first placement and they want to keep me. For a few months at least, if not permanently. And I'm not sure what to do.

When I quit my last job, it was not to pursue my dream of working in HR at a mid-size jewellery company. I don't even like HR. But at the same time, I don't know what my dream is yet, and the uncertainty of waiting for another temp role is not something I'm relishing. Also, I like money. I like holidays and cocktails and new fabric and the ability to replace my electronics when they break (and I can't lie, I also like the idea of a 75% discount on fancy jewellery). I would rather know exactly how my rent is getting paid, and that I can buy myself treats if I want them.

I don't even have a gut feeling. Well, not a single gut feeling. I have several equally strong gut feelings, mostly in opposition with each other. My pro and con lists look a little bit like this:

Pro

Money
Easy commute
Heavily discounted pretty things
Hard work is expected, but everyone leaves at quitting time on the dot
Enough work to keep me busy is actually provided
Working in HR without any actual HR people might not be that bad
They really like me

Con

Taking an HR job won't put me on any kind of path I'm keen to be on
Would prefer to be somewhere a bit friendlier
Possibly too soon for health to cope with permanent full time work
Am I only considering this because I'm terrified of not having money?

and my analysis of these points is so far inconclusive. Last week I told them I wasn't interested in a permanent HR job, and this week I'm considering going back and saying "...maaaaybe". After so many years of stupid civil service bollocks, it's so nice to go somewhere and be noticed and appreciated for what I can do, but is that enough?